Our farm currently takes about 4.5 hours to mow. We have an old 70s model 42′ inch John Deer mower that we use to mow it with. It’s old, you have to have major muscles to steer it , but it gets the job done. We had a friend also give us another used lawnmower that needed a little work. My husband and I were thrilled at the idea of two of us mowing at the same time. We could be done in about 2 hours or so. Due the fact that in the warm weather you have to mow about once a week, that sounded like a great option for us!

My husband did some work on the new/old mower and we decided to give it a try. I would mow along the driveway while my husband mows the yard. I decided take out the new mower. We got it started and I hopped on. Great! This one is even easier to turn than our other one. I quickly learned all of the mower’s operations and went on my merry way down our driveway. Our driveway is pretty long, about 3/4 of a mile with a few small hills and then one large hill. I was happily mowing away down the center of the driveway when I made it about 1/2 a mile away. The mower started to make some funny noises and smoke started to come out of the engine. I thought to myself “Umm…that isn’t good!” I turned off the mower and proceeded to jump off. It my mind the mower is filled with gas, smoke means fire, and I didn’t plan on being blown up today. I backed about 30 feet from the mower and pondered my options. I could go and get my husband…ugh… a 1/2 mile walk. Now I jog this driveway all the time… so why I shied away from a 1/2 mile walk, I have no idea. “Well, the smoke is going down… maybe I will try it again.” I carefully stepped toward the mower looking for any sign of added life… AKA…Fire. With my heart racing, I eased onto the seat. I kept my legs over to the side just in-case the situation called for immediate jump and run protocol. I held my breath and turned the key…rrrrruummmm…rrrummm…rumm… and then nothing. A little more smoke and that was it. The mower sounded done, dead, finite-o… and I guess I was walking. I started the hike home, muttering to myself. Stupid mower…..uugh, I just know this is one of those moments when my husband will come down here, tap on something, and the stupid thing will start right up… I just know it!

I crested the hill and my husband was mowing away on the yard. “Hey, Honey,” “Heyyyyy,” HEEEEEEYYYYY!” Finally a response! He drove over and looked at me and looked around and said “Where is the mower?” I said sarcastically, “It doesn’t look like I am riding it does it?”"Ummm… no” he said . “So WHERE is it?” “It is down the driveway with a load of smoke pouring out of it. I think you need to look at it.” Then it came…the sideways glance my husband gives me which I know is his way of saying… “what have you done now?” (I happen to get that look a lot) He hesitantly got off of his mower.

He threw some tools in the truck and we took off down the driveway. As we approached the mower, I was having a battle of emotions. Part of me wanted to mower to start so I could finish my job and have a nice looking driveway, but the other part wanted it not to start so I didn’t look like a complete idiot like I do most of the time when it comes to machinery. We walked over to the mower and he asked me, “do you have the key?” “Umm… III…,” I fumbled through my pockets. No key. “What on earth did I do with the key?” I never thought about the key. I was too busy thinking more about the explosion factor instead of a key! I mean who thinks of a key when they are afraid they might get blown up. WHO I ask?… The key…. What did I do with that cheap metal, slightly bent, DAMN KEY! Then it caught my eye, something shiny in the ignition. It caught my husband’s eye about the same time it caught mine. Yes….it was the key and even better it was still in the “ON” position in the ignition. What the “ON” position means, is it was pretty much draining the battery of any and all power to start the mower. Oh no!… here comes the look. Yep… he gave me “the look” and this time I was even privledged to get a slight head shake. I defended myself ” There was smoke coming out of it. You didn’t want me to get blown up did you?… I must have forgot the key.” This wasn’t the first time I had left a key “ON” in the ignition and killed a perfectly good battery. This time my husband gave me a bit of a smile in a response. Sometimes when I am slightly overdramatic, I can get my husband to laugh no matter how bad the situation.

He stepped over to the mower and turned the key. Click… nothing. He turned it again for good measure.. click… nothing. “Well,” he said.. “its dead and I can’t tell if it is the motor or the battery.” “Uh-huh” I said trying to be supportive even though I knew I was the battery killer. “What are we going to do with it? Push it.?” Pushing this thing 1/2 a mile over some pretty decent sized hills was not a good plan, I knew that. He looked from the mower to the truck, and then from the mower to the truck again. I knew what he was thinking… we would pull it home. “Ohh… Ok we’re going to pull it.” “Yep.” He got in the truck turned it around and backed up to the mower. We used a long strap, looped it over the back hitch on the truck. “Ok I said lets go” and proceded to get ready to hop in the truck. “Well”… he said… “someone has to steer it.” Ohhh I hadn’t thought about that! He said, “you can drive the truck or you can steer the mower, what do YOU want to do?” My husband is pretty good when it comes to things like this. Whenever we are doing something slightly dangerous on the farm he usually gives me the option of what part of the danger I would like to play. Usually when broached with this question I try to decided what part I can mess up the least. I decided in this case if I drove the truck and ran over my husband I would never forgive myself. It was his truck he was the better driver (although I am not too bad) and he should drive. “I will steer the mower” I told him. “Are you sure?” he said. Actually I wasn’t sure at all but I pretended I was and hopped on the mower. I thought to myself. “How much could I mess up steering a mower, I mean come on?”

Some people say things in life tend to happen in threes. Well that day I had already had two unfortunate things happen . Number one, I shouldn’t have gotten back on the mower to try to start it again. Two, I shouldn’t have left the key in the ignition therefore killing the battery. I was about to make my third and final mistake for the day. My husband started up the truck and creeped slowly forward. I inched forward and turned the wheel to keep the mower in the center of the driveway. “This is pretty easy” I thought, kind of fun to. He pulled me up a small hill and then we hit a flat spot. In all of the five minutes of great planning we put into rigging the mower up to the truck we didn’t think much about the mower going “down-hill.” Just after the flat spot we started to descend a moderate hill. I turned my wheel slightly to stay straight . Man I was doing such good job! I started to notice more of a breeze in my hair. That breeze seemed to get stronger and stronger. It wasn’t the breeze stupid… I was going faster! I took my foot put it down on the brake and nothing happened. Oh #$@%$… I thought to myself and actually probably said it out loud! I tried to slam on the brake again, this time HARD! Nothing happened. I looked up becuase now I was traveling at a pretty fast speed and the back of the truck was getting closer… quick! What did I do next? I screamed as loud as I possibly could, my voice vibrating as the lawnmower bounced over the rocks continuing to pick up speed, however my screams were drowned out by the truck’s diesel engine!

At this point, several thoughts passed through my mind. You see… when you are in a situation like this seconds seem a whole lot longer. I thought, “if I hit the back of the truck how on earth will we explain this to the insurance company…most importantly, how much is it going to cost us ?” I wondered “what will I look like splattered all over the back of the truck. Gravity was starting to have its effect on me and I felt pressed further into the seat as I continued to accelerate. I decided I needed to bail out, NOW. I would turn the mower and hopefully it wouldn’t hit the truck. Briars taunted me from the side of the driveway, but I knew they were my best option. I took the wheel and twisted it to the right. The lawn mower veered and I tried to jump. The steering wheel was too close and the downward pressure from acceleration kept me from moving much. A big boost of adrenaline and another jump and I was airborne… While in the air, I prayed…please don’t let the lawn mower run over me… I landed in the oh so, NOT soft briars. OUCH! I laid there for a few minutes contemplating if I still had all of my body parts and if they all still worked. My husband had stopped the truck and thankfully the mower had run off the driveway missing the truck. My husband ran over to me ” Are you OK?” I began to detach myself from the briars. I wasn’t quite sure how to answer yet. He helped me out of the briars and I stood up my legs shaking as I reviewed the damage. A few scrapes, scratches, and some thorns in my jeans. Thank goodness I was wearing jeans! “I think I am… OK”. I looked at my husband “Apparently we didn’t think to check the lawnmower to see if the brakes worked.” “Nope” he said.

We had made it about 1/4 of a mile down the driveway from where we started, but we still had 1/4 of a mile to go. We looked at each other and contemplated what we should do next. My husband says “I can pull it some more now that you are prepared, should it happen again.” I couldn’t believe my ears and I think my mouth was actually hanging open at that one. He wanted me to get on that evil lawnmower and roll down a hill at high speeds and jump off into a bunch of briars… AGAIN! It seems I am not the only crazy one in our marriage. I looked at him and said two words “NO… WAY” He said “well how are we going to get it home?” I looked at him and we both knew the answer… we push!

So how about you out there? Have any funny stories? I’m sure if you have a farm or are around horses you have plenty. My husband and I know this whole thing rates fairly high on the stupid meter, but I’m sure there are plenty of others out there that could join us in stupidity. We have to learn from our mistakes right? I survived my lawnmower incident with only a few scratches, but I will say, I don’t think I will look at one in the same way EVER again!